jacobtheloofah:

i-was-today-years-old-when:

i learned that there’s a Japanese beetle that when eaten by a frog will haul ass through its digestive system and escape out the back end unscathed (x)

you eat me and i perfectly dodge all of your digestive enzymes and stomach acid and i sprint out your asshole fully intact

andwhatexcellentboiledpotatoes:

astronomical-bagel:

wizardpotions:

monarchofrymden:

wizardpotions:

i feel like tumblr doesnt know about the pain and suffering that is english tap water,,,, girl there are stalagmites inside me

Lmao op lives in the south. The tap water up here is from fucking springs. It’s so clean and fresh and has no stalagmites whatsoever. Cope and seethe southerner

My bones are so strong from all the chalk I’ve been drinking that I could mull you into a fine paste

You guys are like a two hour drive from each other

unclefather:

libertineangel:

mouchefska:

What If we kissed under the dinosaurs kissing statue

You would probably get hit by a car but such is the risk of love

dogboykennedy:

qaz-the-great:

he lets me hit bc i say shit like ‘alas’

bakugou-kacchan:

effemimaniac:

hey. don’t cry. I went to Mad At You island and none of your friends were there :)

why were you at mad at me island

blorb0:

funniest trope is found family but the family you found fucking sucks

pointnclick:

she’s serving absolute divorce papers